Reflecting on a shortcoming
There's one thing that still bothers me: I've never finished my master's thesis.
To be honest, I got lucky and had all the ingredients handed to me:
I was able to complete all the required coursework through a helpful program, where I could take graduate-level disciplines that would contribute to both my bachelor's and master's.
I built a good relationship with my advisor, who I've been working alongside for a few years on other projects.
I got a project that I already fully completed and tested in the field.
The only remaining task was to write it down in the form of a thesis.
I couldn't make myself do it.
Day after day... I couldn't bring myself to make any progress at all in writing.
Opening that document alone would fill me with dread, and I would make up any reason at all to step out of that feeling.
Looking back, this relates to a wider pattern of procrastination.
Tasks that I find aversive, for one reason or another, I tend to put off doing beyond any reasonable consequence or detriment.
I can catch myself in these “dread holes”, but it's still sometimes very hard to shake myself out of it.
Looking at the psychological literature, here are a couple of things that could have helped my past self and could help my future self.
Have the goal defined. That is clear enough: “finish the master's thesis”. I knew it. Indeed, that's the sequence of four words that gave me a sinking feeling whenever it crossed my mind. But, the next step is just as critical and I missed it.
Have the sub-goals defined. This is where things went wrong. “Finish the master's thesis” is an impossible task when stated like that. That simply can't be done in one block, and you know it (thus the sinking feeling).
Some more reasonable goals would be:
- Draft the outline, e.g. Introduction, Methodology, Results, Discussion, Conclusion.
- Break down each section further. Start with bulleted points. What is going to be covered in each section? It's fine to cut or add later; the goal is to get a draft out, refinement is not the goal.
- At a high level, estimate how much time writing a first cut is going to take for each subsection. Say 10 or 20 paragraphs? Are you planning to add diagrams and pictures? Get a first cut of those as well.
- This is the writing that is going to take the bulk of the time. Therefore this is the part where you're going to need to get good at it. Grab your single topic, subsection or diagram for the day (that you helpfully apportioned from the previous step) and worry about nothing else. At this point we're just adding. Don't edit heavily; we're getting words on a page.
- Phew, got to this point? We've got a first draft produced end to end; that's great. Let's have a first editor's pass over everything, cutting words, checking grammar and clarity. This is just to catch the most obvious mistakes before you send it to your advisor for review.
- Alright, nice, got the feedback? There's probably more writing to do and some writing to redo. Diagrams might need changing, adding or removing. That's fine. Again, break down and apportion the work to be done by day. Wake up that day, worry about nothing else and do the apportioned part.
- Now a more thorough editorial pass; we're polishing at this point. What's in is going to stay in, what's out isn't going to go in. Adjust page breaks now, where diagrams are placed, reference tables and so on.
All of that takes time, but most importantly, it takes finite time. You can count how many sections there are, how many subsections for each section. You can estimate, in broad strokes, what is pertinent and should be included, what's not, and how much time it takes to get the first cut out and edited.
If it helps, you can think of it like two phases: planning and execution.
Planning. It's similar to lifting your head out of the water while swimming in a pool and seeing the direction you're going in. Apportion realistic daily goals and break down the task into what can be managed in a day. There's no use setting overly aggressive goals; they only boost your ego while planning, but they're no help during execution. Be kind to your future self. Ask and answer the question “What are the reasonable 2 or 3 tasks I could tackle on each of these following days which would help the most in building toward the overall goal?”
Execution. Back to the analogy of swimming in a pool, this is the phase where you put your head down, trust your plan and execute the day's worth of work. Things may take longer than expected; there may be distractions. Something you planned to take a day may take two or three, and that's fine. What's important is to continue progressing at that daily set of manageable tasks that you can reasonably tackle. “Write a few paragraphs explaining...”, “Design the diagram explaining...”. All of these pieces will come together because you trust your past self's plan.
Additionally, in writing, we can break down the practice in a few passes.
Drafting. Getting. Words. On. The. Page. No editing, no spell checking, no worrying. You want to let your brain flow through what's on your mind. You have researched the topic, thought about it, and now it's time to reflect on what it's all about. It's fine; later you can add further details or cut minor details. Nothing is final at this point. You're drawing with broad strokes.
Editing. This is also hard work, but much easier work because you're now molding material rather than creating material. Refine. Simplify phrases that could be written more simply. Cut what isn't relevant, what's duplicated or unclear. There can be multiple passes at this point. At this point, you're usually looking at a granular level, such as sentences and words.
Refining. These are the last touches. Phrases and sentences are mostly settled. What you're going to do is take a high-level view of how the piece stands as a whole. You can rearrange things, but mostly we're done with adding or removing. We're adding the formalities, such as the table of contents, table of figures and so on.
Well, that's it... Maybe if I had known about these ideas I could have increased my chances of success. Or maybe I only came to know and reflect on these ideas precisely because I felt I fell short of this goal.